When I first moved to New York City - I was 19 years old.  My mother gifted me a world cook book - different vegetarian dishes from around the world.  And she gave me a book of walking tours of the city. 

I should start by saying that before moving to New York I was able to connect with a friend of a friend who went to Pratt.  She had a space for me to crash.  Kate is her name.  She and her friend Victoria picked me up from the airport and immediately took me to little india in the East 30s so they could pick up groceries/spices.  While we took a cab from the east 30s to near Pratt in Ft. Greene - we drove down the east side highway and she pointed out the Manhattan and Brooklyn Bridge.  

We got back to her place on Classon and I went down the street to Key Foods to pick up some plantains - that I carmelized and served with yogurt.  Victoria grew up in Russia - Kate grew up in small town Upstate New York with Ukraine Lineage.  I crashed there for a bit with their Korean roommate. - Kyung Hi.  I had a crush on Kate.  Mainly because she was so different than anyone I’ve ever met - smart, an artist studying in New York and big curly hair.  Also I think we connected because she grew up in a small conservative town and had military brothers.   And while my immediate family isn’t in the military my fathers side is - and conservative radio was always on in the background.   We both struggled with this internal battle of knowing what conservatism brought to our families and what it “lacked in culture and a situated intellect.”  

I flew into NYC with a 2008 suburban bob.  I remember unpacking my luggage and being upset with the clothes I had - feeling dismebodied and not really having the language to understand my transness and tomboyishness.  I was still trying to be attractive to men.  I guess.  So I spent many nights completely wasted and sleeping with them.  Mostly always blacked out.  Because I thought thats just what we do.  Sometimes I would think about Kate while I was sleeping with these men. 

Some nights were better than others.  And I won’t forget the gentlemen who would wake me up, buy me breakfast and a cab ride home.

I crashed with Kate for a bit then I was able to find my own place a few blocks away with some coworkers. - Christina and Ben.  Christina had just graduated Berkeley Architecture School and Ben had just finished his Urban Planning degree in Indiana.  We lived in a completely tiled apartment above a bar on Franklin Ave called Franklin Palace which is now known as Shirley’s Place.  Shirley told us her cousin is Biggie Smalls and she let us use the bar one night for a dinner. 

I remember one Thanksgiving night - Ben and I stayed up all night cooking and talking.  I made a savory sweet potato pie.  I can’t remember what he made.. or what we talked about but around 4 or 5 we went to Herald Square to be front and center for the Macy’s Parade.  I can’t remember any floats or music.  But it was exciting.  I loved talking with him.  He now has a congregation in Indiana.   I haven’t seen him since 2015.

Christina was cool.  She had friends and family in the city.  She would pretend to be a cat often.  And call me kitty and hiss.  And was protective of me on the streets when men would cat call and say hey mami to me.  But I wasn’t fooling her she told me I was a lesbian.  Yeah.. I’m queer.  Beautiful heart beautiful friends.  I remember one of our first nights living together we just shared photos of our friends and  family we brought from home.  Yes physical photographs.  

I learned she passed of cancer unsure what kind... in 2013 or around that time.  Once she left New York I never saw her again but would try to stay in touch through facebook.  She visited me in a mushroom trip once and it was calming.

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I think the 2nd or 3rd week I decided to do one of the self guided walking tours of NYC - Bay Ridge being the first.  I walked from the East Village to Bay Ridge and back.  A total of 17 miles.  I was excited to be in a city of density.  The street as theater.  Many cultures.  Many worlds to walk through. I wore flip flops on my journey though.  I walked the Brooklyn Bridge then down 5th ave in Brooklyn through Park Slope then to South Park Slope through an ultra orthadox neighborhood into a Bensonhurst a very italian neighborhood into Bay Ridge. 

If I can find the walking tour book I’ll post and quote because I don’t quite remember the walk but I imagine it would help jog my memory.

One house on the list to check out was the “Keebler House” a house that looked like a house for elves because shingles curved into the house.  It was funny and unlike the rest of the neighborhood.  The neighborhhod was quiet.  Residential.  Not bustling.  More suburban but with a subway near by.  Conservative.   

I just remember calling it the Keebler House  but I think it is known as the Gingerbread house.

My feet hurt so much from walking in flip flops that I had to find crutches on craigslist.